Diary - December 25th to 31st 2010

Diary – 25th to 31st December

This week has been about three things…
1. Ho ho ho and all that festive cheer,
2. Many many many trips to Huddersfield,
3. Swoon swoon swooning over a chap wearing too much eyeliner.

Have I mentioned before that I love Christmas? Well I do. I can’t help it, I am a sucker for tinsel and all the trimmings. This year I loved it more because my life is exciting at the moment and I was able to face the festivities without the usual sighing and ‘my dreams are fading’ gloom.

Christmas day saw the opening of presents. I got some great Soap and Glory sets which will set me up for a couple of months, a couple of watches, some books, a CD, a bracelet, perfume and loads more but I couldn’t possibly list them all. Even though my parents had bought us the Nursery furniture as our main present they still managed to spend a small fortune on stocking fillers. Naughty! The husband cooked the Christmas meal which as always was delicious and even though there were only the four of us adults eating he managed to cook enough for Leonidas’ army. Left overs are great though; meant that we could pig out on pigs in blankets for days.

On Boxing Day we lazed around until we were due at the grandfolks for salad, central heating and sherry trifle. We managed to watch the last half of one film and the first half of another before we headed for home. It was nice to be fed and do very little but it was also nice to get home and relax. Holidays are so tiring! :)

Holidays are also expensive, especially if you have a Mamas and Papas Factory shop less than 10 miles away. During this last week in December we purchased our Pram, car seat, car fixing system and oddly didn’t bat an eyelid at the hundreds of pounds it cost. Would have been a whole lot more if we hadn’t got it sale price though so we still have enough money to get the Nursery decorated at the beginning of the new year. Time is going to fly come 2011 so we will need to plan plan plan and spend spend spend.

We went to see Burlesque on the Thursday. AMAZING! I know the reviews have been mixed but I went into the darkened Screen anticipating I would be entertained by music, semi naked dancing and suspect acting… and I was! Who wants to see a tipped for Oscar movie when they can see Cam Gigandet butt and moonlight naked with only a box of cookies to cover his ‘cookie’? Not me! The music was fantastic, the bodies were enviable, the storyline was generic but given a modern setting and the nachos I ate while watching filled me up nicely. When it comes out on DVD I will be snapping it up.

Friday night is going to see us New Year bound with the birds and a home cooked meal but I will detail that in my first New Year blog as I imagine there will be gossip to discuss.

Next week… it’s back to work but the weeks will fly by so I can put up with it ha ha.

Summing up... as best I can.

So this is Christmas… what have you done?

A summation of this year is going to be quite difficult. So much has gone on yet bizarrely I have so little to say. I started the year with hope, enthusiasm and a new Blog and I’m ending it with a swelling belly. The enthusiasm still remains I just don’t have the energy to give it any time.

Pathetic! :) I know!

Without going back over my weekly diary I can’t remember much about this year pre-prenancy. It’s not that I am now all about being pregnant; more that being pregnant has robbed my brain of knowledge and basic recall. Hormones apparently. Or maybe my life this year has just been too dull to remember?

I HOPE NOT!

So things I do recall (in no particular order)…

Making friends with Authors,
Reading random blogs and being inspired,
Turning thirty,
Medical procedures,
Finding an inner strength,
The birth of George,
The birth of Thomas,
Realising selfishness in friends is an ugly trait,
An OC obsession,
We7,
Getting pregnant,
Learning I have a rare blood type,
Too much snow,

And all the bits in between that I will remember later and roll my eyes at ever having forgotten.

Another year over… a new one just begun?

So 2011? An all change year for a woman who is grinning broadly and chanting ‘BRING IT ON’. Life as I know it is going to be blown out of the water. I am determined that what ever the year brings it will be the making off me.

As far as pregnancy goes… I will be the perfect maternity house wife, I will sail through labour, I will be radiant as a new Mum and I will not leave my new born anywhere unusual due to the fact that I am not used to having one in my presence… it happens you know! :)

As far as Stacy goes I haven’t quite made my New Year’s list of resolutions but here are some vague ideas…

Get back into writing my Blog (I miss it, I am going to need the recall later ha ha),
Eat healthy,
Learn how to cook,
Decorate the Nursery,
Collect all the series of Smallville on DVD,
Get my next tattoo ready,
Review more,
Make new friends,
Reconnect with old friends,
Try out a fake tan!

Like I said its not a complete list… I will add to it and no doubt eliminate the things I will never achieve. Why set myself up to fail, ha ha? Notice give up chocolate hasn’t made it on there!

A very merry Christmas… and a happy New Year… let's hope it's a good one…

So have a great festive season! Eat, drink and be merry and I will see you bright and early in 2011.

Love always,
Stacy (and Bump)
xx

Here I am again...

I doubt that anyone has noticed but I haven’t been around for a while, I have been in a strange place.
I have looked at my laptop and felt no pull at all, I have held my notebooks and felt no inspirational jolt or flutter.
I know the reason and for the time being I don’t mind that it has rendered me mute.

You see…

I’M PREGNANT!!!!

After all the ‘woe is me’ in July, after our failed IVF treatment, I got pregnant and actually in July. Clearly while the treatment didn’t work in the active sense it did give my body a shake up as in my very next fertile segment my husband knocked me up. I finally have a bun in my oven, my temporary tenant has made its home, I am getting fat.

So my absence hasn’t been because I don’t love my blog, I DO, I just had so much to tell but couldn’t share it quite yet. And sharing it is a big step for me. I am still in the not quite believing it yet stage even though I am 15 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. I also don’t want my blog to become all about cravings and the like, though obviously if they are hilarious I will mention them.

So I hope you can wish me well and welcome me back into the arms of the blogging world. I have missed it and you. :)
xxx

Photo - My Lucky Angel...

My colleague at work is a firm believer that we are all chosen by an

Angel who guides and protects us.

She carved me this Angel Pendant in the hope that my Angel will lend me a hand. :)

Diary - August 20th to 26th 2010

Diary – 20th to 26th August

This week has been about three things…
1. Watching young dancers Stepping it up… 3D Style,
2. Keeping my baby girl away from all those randy boys,
3. Realising that being back at work full time is knackering.

I love the fact that when I go for my hair cut I always beat my hairdresser there. My hairdresser is great, blonde in every sense of the word, and always makes my hair look super shiny and super lovely but her timekeeping is hilariously and notoriously unpredictable.

This Saturday she had me done and dusted in time to head with my friend over to our local Odeon cinema. Step Up 3D was the day’s choice but not before we stopped at the Pizza Hut next door. They now do MY pizza!!! It’s like I designed it! Melted goats cheese, mixed whole olives, cherry tomatoes and sweet caramelised onions, topped with fresh rocket. This is exactly what I choose when I order the make-your-own! And now they call it the Caprino. I feel so special. Though obviously I know it wasn’t made specifically for me, but a girl can be delusional once in a while, ha ha.

Step Up 3D was great. It’s not an Oscar winning film, no offence meant, but it was enjoyable and visual stunning. Not quite sure why the Camp Rock chick was in it but other than that all the characters fit and worked well with each other. No real eye candy for me but I can appreciate why others might have found the lead a little tasty. I’m glad I saw it if only to round off the trilogy. I did mourn the absence of Channing Tatum but as Dear John is out next week I am determined to get my fix.

Poor Rohan was at the fullest part of her season this week, poor love. She doesn’t really make a mess but she gets clingy and whiny and won’t let me out of her sight. As she thinks that she is above me in our Pack, fair play to her, she treats me like I am her baby. Like if I am out of the room for too long she comes to find me or if I cough / sneeze / take a deep breath, she looks at me to make sure I’m not dying. She has so much built up energy now as we haven’t really wanted to take her for her usual off the lead walk. The next time we take her to the Moor she is going to go crazy. :)

The working week has been tiring. I only had a week and a half off but it is amazing how quickly your body adjusts to lazing about and not being sat in an office chair. Most of the managers are still off work this week so the drama hasn’t really started yet. The fun will no doubt begin next week with the on set of students and a new build. Alas.

Next week… I think the in laws might be coming for a visit?

MOTW - Michael Cudlitz

This week's MOTW is an actor who you would want on your side if you ever found yourself in a hairy situation and needed a bit of brawn to save the day.

blog.zap2it.com

I first saw Michael Cudlitz as Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman in the award winning 'Band of Brothers'. Something about the portrayal of this character caught my attention, as even though MC is a big bull like figure, he was able to add sensitivity to his size and make Bull Denver Randleman one of my favourite soldiers on the show.

It was only years later, after watching this box set many times over with my husband that I started to spot Mr. Cudlitz in other roles.

Roles that I least expected:
- Cole in 'D3: The Mighty Ducks'
- Bob in 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'

And then roles that I did expect:
- Rick Phillips in '24'
- Colonel Ryan in 'Over There'
- Voice Over for the 'Call of Duty' computer games.

And of course the show which I am currently loving him in, 'Southland'. As Officer John Cooper, MC is on top brawn form pulling me back every week as more character flaws and strengths are revealed.

So... what do you think, is he worthy of the MOTW status? Who would be your choice?

Photo - Tasty toppings...

As I mentioned last week, I have developed a misguided taste for baking.

I am really bad at it but am willing to practice, practice, practice.

So while I was purchasing some flour and sugar and what not, I came across these.

How fantastic are they! Now I can't wait to make some lopsided,  un-risen buns. :)

Photo - Double glazed sleepy sun...

This is the latest sleepy Rohan picture.

Her Grandmother made her a little window blanket to sit on

and now that is all she does.

What a little sweatheart she is. :) x

Diary - August 13th to 19th 2010

Diary – 13th to 19th August

This week has been about three things…
1. Phasing myself back into work with half days and afternoon naps,
2. Watching more and more of The OC and loving it,
3. Realising that my good intentions of reading my library books have failed.

Friday afternoon involved a wee shopping trip to Huddersfield to try and get some birthday ideas. I failed but I did manage to find a new handbag after months of haphazardly looking. It’s not green but its ugly enough to keep me entertained and interested. I might see if someone wants to wrap it up for my birthday then at least the idea of the shopping trip wasn’t a complete bust. In the evening I met up with the husband and the parents and we went to the Toby Carvery to stuff our faces with a roast dinner and ice cream pudding. Delicious.

We decided on Sunday morning to go and take a look at the Fertility Centre in Manchester. It was only thirty or so miles away and didn’t take much longer to get to than the Leeds Hospital did. It looks lovely, a white stately building and after doing a bit of research it seems like the place to go if you want to get pregnant. It’s going to cost us thousands of pounds though but hopefully it will work and we will have a little monster this time next year. October is going to be our next session… fingers crossed.

On the way back from Manchester we called into the near by shopping centre to have a look for some birthday ideas, after my failed attempt on Friday. This ‘Trafford Centre’ is huge, the eating area is designed like a big cruise ship with loads of restaurants and cafés around the edge of it. We had a lovely lunch then wandered around the shops but I felt that there were way too many posh clothes shops and not enough fun stuff. Kieran got the new Iphone 4 though so he was happy, ha ha.

Tuesday morning saw me back at work, though only for one department so I was able to finish at lunch time and have the afternoon at home. We decided to bake, did the Mother and I. We ended up with forty eight buns and one cake. I posted pictures on the day so scroll down to have a look. I would love to be good at cooking or baking but I fear I just don’t have the imagination or taste buds for it.

On my last afternoon off I popped into see my friend and her little boy George. He is growing really quick and is the spitting image of both of his parents. We played on the rug, talked to Harry the Rabbit, laughed at the hot tub and had a lovely cup of tea. I should really go and visit them more often… it’s just so hard. :(

Rohan also had her fur cut this week. When we went to pick her up we could hear her barking away from the front of the shop. They had put her in a dog cage while she waited for us to arrive and she didn’t like it. Poor love; she does look gorgeous though, more like a little girl dog with her trimmed ears and beard.

Next week… I have no plans but to try and not let a full working week get to me.

MOTW - Benedict Cumberbatch

Growing up my Mother would always make me watch 'The Hound of The Baskervilles', the version starring Ian Richardson as Sherlock and with Martin Shaw (her favourite) as the American. While this is a very tenuous link to this week's MOTW it leads me in by stating that, due to my childhood, I am always intrigued to watch other actors than Ian (my favourite, RIP) take on the mighty Holmes.

sherlocking.org

When I heard that the BBC were broadcasting a modern day SH I shuddered (modern day? really?) but knew I would be watching it anyway. Then I found out the lead was to be played by a chap called Benedict Cumberbatch and knew that with a name like that he would not disappoint.

And he didn't.

His Holmes was fast paced, ironically witty, self-absorbed, single minded, bemusing and just as Sir Arthur would have wished him to be (I hope) to bring an excellent character to a modern audience.

Benedict, with his interesting features and gangly frame, stole pretty much every scene in an infuriating poor old Watson type of way. I will definitely be tuning in for a second series!

As well as solving crimes he can also be seen getting amazingly into character in:
- 'The Other Boleyn Girl' as William Carey
- 'Atonement' as Paul Marshall
- 'Starter For 10' as Patrick Watts

So... what do you think, is he worthy of the MOTW status? Who would be your choice?

Photo - 12oz of this and 12oz of that...

Today me and my mother made some buns.

We are not the best bakers and anything we make always looks a little 'special'.

But this batch turned out really well. So it is with pride that I post...

Uncooked but still tasty. :)

And voila.

We did eventually cover them in chocolate...

but that was diasterous so I will not shatter the illusion.

Question: 20

What is so great about this IPhone 4?

Diary - August 6th to 12th 2010

Diary – 6th to 12th August

This week has been about three things…
1. Discovering that having faith in medicine is naïve indeed,
2. Finally purchasing Kieran something for his birthday,
3. Enjoying a routine all week that did not involve going to work!

Whoop whoop! A week off work and boy didn’t Friday drag like hell. Isn’t that always the case? The holiday whooshes by at warp speed yet the days before hand seem to take forever to be over with? I was determined this week to do very little and I managed to do just that, so I apologise now as this diary is not going to be particularly stimulating.

Saturday I wandered around the town centre with Kieran. We went to the pub for lunch which was lovely, then we tried every jewellers we could find to see if they would be able to fix his watches. Yes he has more than one that is broken; I just don’t know what he does with them, ha ha. We also looked at various Netbooks but I am still undecided on if this is what I want for my birthday. The laptop I have works fine and still has a lot of life left in it but I do like the idea of something much smaller to take in the car, to the library, to the coffee shop… but would it be a waste of money? Aren’t I all about the questions today! :) We also stopped off at Millets were I got three pairs of little trainer shoes for £15. What a bargain, I might put photos on here if I can make them look all artfully shoe-like.

After the rest of the weekend was spent being lazy and gluttonous it was time for me and the, ever roped in, Mother to decorate my bathroom. We are a dab hand at hanging the wallpaper meaning we had it finished in just over three hours. I have posted photos so you will have to view them. It doesn’t look much different, the wallpaper is a little more blue but it just doesn’t look as tired now. I must admit that refreshing the house is also making me feel refreshed and that can’t be a bad thing, right?

Tuesday saw our follow up appointment at Assisted Conception, the first since our failed IVF attempt. The results they had informed us that there was no attempt by the embryos to implant. It wasn’t surprising really when the gynaecologist discovered that the two put back in were very poor quality. It’s infuriating! Why didn’t Leeds just leave it and not bother with the implantation? Why present us with false hope and be stupid enough to potentially develop an abnormal foetus? Now, I will love any child I have but it just seems irresponsible to start a life that might not even make it through a pregnancy. Dr HM was not impressed either and we got the distinct impression that Manchester is their preferred Infertility Centre. I am so torn! We definitely want a second go but… do I move clinics?

While I have been on holiday I have had a little spare time to watch some television. I came across The OC Season 1 whilst I was trawling through the TV on Demand that Virgin has to offer. I haven’t watched this show since, at least, 2004! So I started watching and I think I love it even more the second time around. Ben McKenzie is delicious in his brooding and good old Adam Brody is fabulous as the ‘comic relief’. After a quick Google I learnt that there are four seasons… I will have to see about collecting the box sets just to get my fill of angst and tangled love triangles. Oh to live in that pool house. :)

All other hours this week have flown by, I really can not account for them but they haven’t been spent at a desk so I really don’t care. I am relaxed and de-stressed, at last.

Next week… I really need to decide what I want for my birthday.

Photo - Grace and Jack

As you know, Kieran has been restoring our Landrover 90 back to her former glory.

She now has finished paintwork and a Union Jack on the roof.

What do you think? Stunning, huh? :)

Photo - Tired looking bathroom... no more!

Moving on from decorating the kitchen I decided to rope my mother in to helping give our bathroom a bit of a make over. It hasn't had anything done to it for about six years so needed a tidy up.

As you can see it just looks a little worn out. So we got to work...

New wallpaper, a fresh coat of paint and voila. :)

Next on the agenda is replacing the flooring, getting a new side for the bath (the bath is hidden from view in these pictures - to the right), painting the medicine cabinet and generally keeping it tidy. I would also like a silly toilet seat but Kieran said NO!, ha ha. :)

MOTW - Jay Baruchel

During the mad film fest that ended up being the last seven days we had the pleasure of watching the exceedingly entertaining 'She's Out of My League' starring the equally entertaining Jay Baruchel. The film was funny, Jay in turn was hilarious to watch, but this is not why this young (yeah another one younger than I) Canadian has gained MOTW status.

www.collider.com

No, it is his ability to, once watched, pop up absolutely everywhere!

- Almost Famous - We watched this after SOOML and there he was looking about 12 years old, despite actually being 18, and appearing as geeky and gangly as ever.

- The Sorcerer's Apprentice - I then turned on the television to see him in an advert for his latest offering. A geeky and gangly chap trying to avoid the magical advances of a suspicious looking Nicolas Cage.

- Radio 1 - Then Sunday morning my radio alarm clock kicked in to life and I realised that it was Jay being interviewed, and seemingly he is charming and hilariously amusing in real life. Bless him.

But even though I was now confident that I must have seen Jay Baruchel in an abundance of formats I still had this feeling that I had seen him somewhere before... seen him in a uniform... with the help of IMDb I figured it out. Jay Baruchel is none other than Joey Motorola of Night at the Museum 2 fame. It would appear I knew him before I knew of him, if that makes any sense. And if I remember correctly, as Joey I thought he was pretty cute... geek must be my type. :)

So... what do you think, is he worthy of the MOTW status? Who would be your choice?

Zen - While the puppy sleeps...

10 songs played to my ears while the furry offspring snoozes beside me...

1. Britney Spears - Let Me Be
2. Jessica Andrews - I Don't Like Anyone
3. Frank Sinatra - Saturday Night (Is The Loneliness Night Of The Week)
4. Gavin Degraw - Against All Odds
5. Maroon 5 - Sweetest Goodbye
6. Lemar - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
7. Michelle Branch - Till I Get Over You
8. Sister Hazel - Fortress
9. The Calling - For You (Acoustic)
10. Texas - I'll See It Through

Musings - Odd Socks

My phone is a touch screen, a lovely Samsung, and as I know my own limitations when it comes to keeping my mobile phones scratch free, as well as the dangerous internal state of my handbag, I like to keep it wrapped nicely in an Ipod sock.

'Why not just get a normal phone case?' I hear you ask. Well, because my socks come in a variety of colours, are machine washable and above all Rohan loves to run off with them so there is entertainment value too.

I am currently in the process of changing my colour. I started with pink and moved on to blue so it is decision time on what I am going to pick next.

What do you think? Orange ?

Photo - Look what I can do...

It is amazing the things that you can find on the Internet.

This week I found the instructions on how to make an Origami Lotus Flower.

After a couple of trial and errors I made this...

It doesn't look like much but I am really proud of myself ha ha. :)

Diary - July 30th to August 5th 2010

Diary – 30th July to 5th August

This week has been about three things…
1. Pitying the fools who don’t go to see The A Team at their local cinema,
2. Stocking up at the Library in anticipation of my days off,
3. Trying to survive without the presence of my husband for the first time in 8 years!

For weeks we have been tempted by the adverts; every time we have been to the cinema we have been presented with the Orange collaboration of tomfoolery but finally on Friday night… we saw ‘The A Team’. Doo dee doo doo, doo doo doo. (You get the drift). And it was fantastic. Everything about it stayed true to the original television series but at the same time it had the ability to modernise and even laugh at itself. The amount of well placed and dry humoured slapstick meant that everyone stayed entertained throughout. The castings were well placed as was the always welcome addition of Brian Bloom, an actor I have followed since my early teens. This is definitely a film to see on the big screen but be warned, it’s loud! :)

Saturday was spent in town. Two hours in the library choosing books to read on my break and then dress shopping for my friend. While wandering around, I overheard a conversation in WHSmiths regarding CDs and how this store no longer stock them. Halifax officially has no music shops other than those selling second hand copies. It’s depressing. Actually its more depressing that we don’t have a book shop but if I was to start listing all the things we don’t have this would turn out to be the longest blog diary in history.

Tuesday morning, through to late Thursday, Kieran was away down south with his work. This meant that it was me and Rohan all to ourselves. It’s the first time in 8 years of living here that I have spent such an amount of time in the house without adult supervision. It was strange, I missed him loads, I filled my time to the hilt in an effort to make the time fly. It failed; I just ended up being super efficient. It’s odd that I can’t settle on my own anymore; damn husband getting me used to him being around. Guess I will have to keep him. Over these days I was also alone in the office at work which meant that I felt I hadn’t talked to anyone for weeks. I felt silent but I know all the words are stored up somewhere waiting to get out. We did okay though, the pooch and I. We blogged, we cooked, we watched old re-runs of She-Ra and even learnt how to make an Origami Lotus Flower out of a square of flexible (after much trial and error) paper. It was fun. Without the crazy influence of her Daddy, Rohan was much calmer and less ‘Argggggggghhhhhhh’. Thank heaven; I don’t think I could have coped with a Border Terroriser on my own, ha ha.

Also, out of vegetating and trying to make the time fly there have also been an abundance of films watched in the Redmond house this week:
- She’s Out of My League (8/10)
- Inglorious Basterds. (2/10)
- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (6/10)
- Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief (7/10)
- It’s Complicated (7/10)
- Pandorum (6/10)
- Public Enemies (4/10)
- Almost Famous (8/10)
- Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (7/10)
- Because I Said So (7/10)
- 10 Things I Hate About You (6/10)

Next week… I’m on holiday, whoop whoop… well from work anyway. I just need the relaxation time.

Photo - This is Grog.

When I was younger my parents would always find ways to make me giggle. One of the silliest things was the talking hand. They would make a loose fist, draw eyes on their index finger, then using the thumb to create a mouth they would make their hand talk.

Now that my Father is older and has the odd false tooth, attached to a small pallet, he can make the talking hand much more sinister. :)

Needless to say the results are hilarious; this is Grog. Yeah, we named it! 

Even though I am shortly turning 30 I still love it.

Photo - Rohan Multi-tasking.

With Kieran being away, Rohan has been looking after me. She won't leave me alone.

This is her sat on my knee while I work on the laptop.

She is watching '10 Things I Hate About You'. :)

MOTW - Ben Foster

This week my MOTW is a young actor (I say young because he is a whole month younger than me, ha ha) who has taken on some excellent and gritty roles since he first appeared on the acting scene. His MOTW status worthiness came from his portrayal of an astronaut who wakes up on a stranded spaceship with no memory, no crew and no idea who or what is on board. The actor is Ben Foster and the film is Pandorum.

Now usually this wouldn't be my kind of film, in fact it was Kieran watching it while I typed but it drew my attention. Ben drew my attention with his ability to always go the extra mile with the characters he plays.

His other gritty appearances include:
- Spacker Dave in 'The Punisher'
- Charlie Prince in '3:10 to Yuma'
- The Stranger in '30 Days of Night'

He was also the Angel in the X-Men movie Last Stand, a role that saw his usually red hair bleached for a more angelic look to match his new wings. He looked buff and blonde and while I can appreciate the buff I do prefer it when Ben is a little more ginger and a little more gruff. His younger brother Jon Foster, while taller and potentially more handsome, just doesn't have that 'something' that the elder Foster has. Whatever it is... it's MOTW material.

So... what do you think, is he worthy of the MOTW status? Who would be your choice?

Photo - Lonely Dinner

My husband is away with work for a couple of days this week,

so me and the Rohan are having to look out for ourselves.

Without the presence of a meat demanding chap

 we were able to have a delicious chicken salad.

Yum. :)

Photo - Trees that lead me...

Here are the trees that lead me slowly up the path to work.

This morning they are calm and green yet only a month ago the branches were laden heavy with blossom.

Diary - July 23rd to 29th 2010

Diary – 23rd to 29th July

This week has been about three things…
1. Bizarre conversations that have left me shrugging,
2. Pondering over the fact that every dream or aspiration I have is getting further and further away,
3. Loving a film… up until the last ten minutes when it was ruined.

Friday was the first of many days over the summer when I will be the only staff member who is manning the office. It will happen within both the departments that I work for but strangely I am looking for to the quiet and lack of drama. I found I was able to concentrate on the jobs I had that needed no distraction, though by the afternoon I must admit that I was getting a little sick of the silence. So I logged on to http://www.we7.com/ and listened to some back albums of Jason Mraz, Lady Antebellum and the latest from Plan B. I now have some definite ideas for my birthday. :)

The weekend saw me searching in the town centre for an 18th birthday present for our niece. It took me a while and a lot of different shops but I finally decided to get a variety of amusingly random gifts rather than a typical traditional piece of jewellery or what not. She’ll love them and if she doesn’t I’ll have them back because I do! I can’t tell you what they are in case she happens upon this blog but once Monday is over I will fill you all in.

The 25th was my friend’s birthday so we had a girl’s day. We had Sunday lunch in the Toby Pub and Carvery where we were provided with Yorkshire Puddings the size of a child’s head. It was a delicious lunch and she liked the presents that I had gotten her. We then took the Leeds Road and headed to the Showcase Cinema to watch the newly released ‘The Rebound’ starring Catherine Zeta-Jones and Justin Bartha. It was extremely funny and flowed really well… up until the last ten minutes when it seemed to have no where to go so decided to baffled the audience with a montage of travel clips, to show time passing, before ending with a stilted awkward conversation in a restaurant supposedly five years later. We left disappointed when for most of the film we were enjoying ourselves. Tut.

Monday was my day off, another random day to use up my holiday hours, and I spent it at home doing more painting with my Mother. We were doing the white gloss which ended up everywhere courtesy of the lovely Rohan, ha ha. She does love to help out. The day, as expected, went very fast but knowing that I had accomplished something during the day rather than just sitting on my ass meant that I didn’t mind. Enough time for relaxing when I am off for the entire week; which will be happening in five working days time. I can’t wait. I am starting a list of stuff that I want to do which involves the sofa and a giant bag of Minstrels.

The rest of the week, as usual, was spent going to work and coming home wiped out. Everything drains me at the moment but I know that it is more psychological than physical. I did manage to stay awake long enough to watch ‘The Book of Eli’ and ‘Alice in Wonderland’. Both were surprisingly entertaining in completely opposite ways. I would definitely recommend either, though Johnny Depp is once again a little too sinister for a children’s adaptation.

Next week… I’ll be ‘loving it when a plan comes together’.

Musings - Hard Times

While this is not an actual video the song is so amazing I just wanted to share it.

Musings - IMDb (The Internet Movie Database)

Sadly, hopeless rather than boohoo, I am one of those people who loves nothing more than Trivia.

I soak it up, I am a foundation of useless factoids and lists; I would be your 'phone a friend', with my chosen subjects being... Film, TV & Literature.

I can tell you who starred in what, with whom, where and when. Name me an actor and I will most likely be able to list you their movie accomplishments, as well as twenty other useless personal facts that will bore the non-trivia lover to death.

And when I don't know something... I am also a hapless researcher; which brings me to the point and title of this blog post... IMDb - The Internet Movie Database. Here is a website that is an endless, remarkable and tireless bible of all things entertainment. What I don't know I find on here and most of what I do know I found on these pages too. It's my oracle. I recommend it whole heartily for your trivia needs.

Check it out... improve your chances at the pub quiz. :)

Question: 19

What does one purchase their husband for his 30th birthday?

MOTW - Ashton Kutcher

I might have mentioned before, but for the past ten years I have nominated a Man Of The Week. It is a silly pointless game but one that has provided entertainment and, well, is now a tradition.

I have decided that as well as listing my MOTW I am now going to do a feature post on each.

This week, as you can see, my MOTW is the lovely Ashton Kutcher. After watching 'Valentine's Day' and finding his to be the best character, I did a little digging in my box of DVDs and came up with three excellent examples of AK on screen.

- A Lot Like Love - along side Amanda Peet.
- What Happens In Vegas - with Cameron Diaz
- The Guardian - taking advice from Kevin Costner

Now that he has passed his days of trying to locate is car, Dude, he has blossomed and become quite a good watch. 'Personal Effects' is one of his latest which I will report on asap.

So... what do you think, is he worthy of the MOTW status? Who would be your choice?

Zen - Drowning out the sounds of Snipers...

10 songs to mask that Xbox gun fire drone...

1. The Jam - The Dreams Of Children
2. Matchbox Twenty - The Burn
3. The Rolling Stones - Get Off Of My Cloud
4. Aerosmith - Cryin'
5. The Zutons - Long Time Coming
6. Daniel Bedingfield - All The Little Children
7. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Universally Speaking
8. Sister Hazel - Just Remember
9. Beverley Knight - Under The Same Sun
10. Matt Nathanson - Sad Songs

Diary - July 16th to 22nd 2010

Diary – 16th to 22nd July

This week has been about three things…
1. Painting layer upon layer before realising it was the light, not the paint that was tricking me into seeing patches!
2. Digging out some old Romantic Comedies in a renewed DVD fest,
3. Cutting out carbs but sneaking my CoCo Moons and Stars. Sshh!

If you have seen the lovely photographs that I posted earlier in the week, then you will know that this weekend, for me, consisted of painting my kitchen and getting giddy on the fumes. Kieran as predicted avoided the paint like it was the plague and hid outside, come rain or shine, with my father and Grace. That left me and the Matriarch with our rollers and tin of Berry Brulee. For the first couple of layers I hated it. It just seemed so dark compared to the previous Lilac which on closer inspection was more white wallpaper peeping through than emulsion wash. Seven years ago when we first did it, well, we were rubbish!

Once the Berry Brulee started to dry and after we realised we were not going to need twelve layers, I decided it could stay. All we, I, need to do now is finish off the paintwork in a bright white gloss and make sure that the room stays tidy. I managed to have a bit of a sort out of the cupboards meaning I can hide a lot of things which always help. Just need to educate the husband into keeping it tidy too. Ha ha never gonna happen! :)

Monday I had my appraisal at work which was bizarre but it would appear I am at least good at my job. I need however not to be so focused on what I am doing, you know, I need to do other peoples jobs too. :) Which is what I did in the afternoon and ordered around £2000 worth of stationery and furniture. If it was up to me the tutors would get a whiteboard pen and a pack of Blu-Tac. But its not up to me, so I ordered everything on the requested list then rejoiced in the managers somewhat strangled expression at the forthcoming dent in her budget.

I have also being doing the low carbs diet which has been hard due to my love of rice and cake. But I lost two pounds in half a week so something about it must be working. My ally at work who has been trying to lose wait with me is now off on a cruise for the summer. We have made a pact to see who can lose the most weight before August 20th. I am quite competitive so I am going to give it my best shot (forgetting the Thursday night Chinese Buffet) and see if I can do it. I need to lose weight anyway, those hormones bloated me up something rotten. Grrrr.

A couple of years ago when Kieran had to leave the house and house and a half before I did I used to watch a film or a TV programme episode. While he was off work I didn’t get the chance and now he is working we leave at the same time. So this week while he was out on his Rohan walks I dug out one of my favourite Romantic Comedies. I watched ‘A Lot Like Love’ which is a fantastic movie with Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet. Ashton is surprisingly endearing and by the time the credits scroll every female watching can’t help but be in love with him. He has rightly won his place as Man of the Week.

Next week… I am going to try and be inspired with my camera in one pocket and notebook in the other.

Lyrics - Country just can't go wrong...

Lady Antebellum get my feet a tapping and my heart a swelling when they sing...

Seems like I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognize my own reflection, no
Scared of love but scared of life alone

Seems I've been playing on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me, oh
But it's time for me to let it go

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again

Question: 18

Decisions, decisions... you are given the opportunity to change your accent for 1 month; what accent would you choose?

Snippets - My Novel: An Extract...

I am currently working on a project about a Fallen Angel. He is given a reprieve from hell to do the Arc Angels a favour but all it not what it seems. Here is a small extract detailing his fall... please let me know what you think; be truthful but gentle. :) And I suppose I should say please don't plagiarise.

Adriel.

Adriel’s fall had been swift. There had been no ‘one phone call’ or final meal. He had questioned and Gabriel as the right hand had judged, sentenced and opened the gateway between the top and the bottom of existence. It had pained him to do it, had pained Heaven to watch and ultimately Adriel had paid with an eternity of his own hurts. Unlike some others of his kind Adriel had never been mortal and while not an excuse it was a valid reason for his somewhat misguided nature.

The swiftness of his departure had in part been due to his calling; to instil Hope there must be no doubt. Hope as an entity or emotion had not been born with Adriel, more the other way around. Optimism and trust had produced a spark which had glistened and formed just outside of Heaven’s realm. Like a star on a clear night or a flash that the sun creates upon the ripple of water’s motion; it had captured the conscious of all who saw it. And Bright Side with its butterfly net of golden promise had scooped it up and thus Hope had existed. When an ambassador had been called for, God had breathed his wisdom. Out of the blinding light had come forth Adriel. Fresh as a daisy, un-jaded, ready for action; with only a little guidance he had been a credit to his peers. Yet, with only a little uncertainty he had become a vast disappointment.

A conversation. That had been all that had stood between fiery damnation and the weight of an angel’s wings. All he had needed to do was keep his mouth shut and ponder in private but something, conscience perhaps, had compelled Adriel Angel of Hope to speak out loud. Bright side, Angels are neither old or young; they just are. They exist almost on a plane of always being. In mortal terms Adriel was young in the sense that he was naive. His faith in his abilities and those tasks employed by God had in essence been what had caused his doubts. The realisation that on occasion he was doomed to fail is his heavenly quest to give hope to the people had formed the question… why bother? Angels serve yet Man in his ignorance is favourite? Once his mind had been open to the littlest of doubts a cavern had formed, deep and dark, enticing more questions. Adriel might have fallen from Grace but Grace fell first in its inability to stay on the pedestal which an Angel born of heaven had placed it upon.

     “What is heaven when Man gets to feel?” When Adriel spoke out loud Micah froze in place.
     “We have God’s presence.” Adriel missed his friend’s pleading expression to silence himself. Micah felt the prickle of awareness on the back of his neck; the Arcs were listening.
     “Do we? Really? They have everything, his love, his Earth, his forgiveness.”
     “We have immortality.”
     “He gave them paradise and they betrayed him yet he sent his only son to perish at their hand in an attempt to redeem them. Why are they so worthy?” This time the Angel of Hope also felt that prickle, that warning against his skin to halt his words and keep silent. Yet he was unable.
     “Man is created in his image…”
     “Then what is the point of being an Angel when our divine presence, our teachings can be ignored but with a little repentance at the end Man can make it Bright Side anyway?”
     “Talk like that is what gets an Angel fallen.” Gabriel, blinding with awe and steel, suddenly stood before them his expression grim.
     “I’m voicing an opinion not starting a war.” Adriel was unable to meet his brother’s harsh expression.
     “You are an Angel. You don’t get an opinion.”
     “In that case what is the point of having wings? To exist in a half life, for eternity?”
     “You were given Heaven!” Awe and steel thundered.
     “So were you but don’t you ever wonder if it would have been better to earn it!?” Adriel’s anger erupted; an answering lightning flash to the warning rumble.
     “Enough!” This time Adriel knew that he had pushed too far. He felt suddenly hot; not from mortification but from something else, something infernal.
     “Gabriel…”
     “With Lucifer’s example, you should have known better.”
     “Are you threatening me?” The waver in the young Angel’s voice betrayed his bravado, his wings suddenly heavy with consequence.
     “I don’t need to, it has already been taken care of.”
     “What has?” Micah finally spoke, a fear in his tone.
     “He questioned.”
     “No!”
     “Micah? You have got to be kidding me, Micah!” Lightning flashed once more only this time the fork found its victim and Adriel perished before them.

Some had understood his important questions but as faithful servants they had shown their feathery backs to their fallen friend on his judgement day. Back in the day when Lucifer had questioned there had been war. The righteous and the newly impious had battled, forging the original feud between good and evil. For Adriel there had been no time for the building of notoriety, he was merely there one moment and gone the next with only the whisperings of his departure causing the pale down of wings to ruffle. The Arcs had been determined to avoid another scandal. Hasty in their actions they had not considered the consequences. Now, an eternity later, a game had been set in motion; a game with two rule books, one public and one hidden. Bright Side was rife with secrets.

So.... what do you think???

Musings - Me? Like Him?

I came across this blog... http://menrnotspuds.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog which had a link to a fun little tool that decides which famous writer your style is most like.

Here is what I found...

I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I love 'The Dubliners' too. :) x ha ha

Photo - Berry Brulee on the kitchen walls...

When we first moved into our house, nearly eight years ago, we did the decorating quickly and cheaply. Everything has lasted very well but is starting to look a little tired. We decided to give the kitchen a little bit of a face lift this week. Here are the before and after photographs...

As you can see blue and pale lilac looking tired with paint missing where I had removed the border the day before.

The fireplace... we can't get rid of the fire as it is part of the boiler but we can at least try and make it look presentable.

The (almost) finished product with the beautiful Berry Brulee on the far wall.

A little dressing and... voila.

What do you think? :)

Diary - July 9th to 15th 2010

Diary – 9th to 15th July

This week has been about three things…
1. Picking a team and knowing without a doubt that I love the furry over the undead,
2. Realising ‘The World’s mine Oyster’ when it comes to culture,
3. Smiling through it all, breathing through it all, living through it all.

I am gradually feeling better about life’s, my life’s, recent turn of events. I can’t change it so there is no choice but to keep going and try again. I will not be on top form for a long time but at least this week I am willing to want to get there. I am not cut out for drama! Ha ha.

What I am cut out for, however, is sitting in the dark lusting, even though I know I shouldn’t, for a teenage werewolf who should always be filmed standing half naked in the rain (fans self with sweaty palm). GO TEAM JACOB! Yup, I went to see the new instalment of the Twilight Saga, ‘Eclipse’. Finally these films get a sense of humour; all they need to do now is kill off Bella and Edward and all will be well. Though I am guessing that whoever directs the next film will not be willing to deviate that far from the novels original intentions. Alas. Good film though. It was good to see the love triangle between mortal, werewolf and vampire explored further. I am a sucker for the supernatural, I’ve probably told you that before? For this instalment I managed to get a work colleague, an apprentice and a husband involved so it was quite a good outing. We will have to do it again sometime.

Saturday saw an early start Stafford Castle bound. For the past five years we have taken a July trip down to Stafford to see Open Air Shakespeare in the grounds of the ruined Stafford Castle. We have previously been the audience of ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’, ‘Much Ado About Nothing’, ‘Twelfth Night’, ‘Hamlet’ and this year we were to watch ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’. As always it was an excellent three hours spent. The set was fantastic, the last night antics hilarious, the cast well cast and the weather perfect. The director is a genius, getting all the cast to learn instruments to play as an off centre stage orchestra whenever they were not in the scene. It cheered me up a treat and while this was the first play out of the five years that I had not previously been privy to, I was still able to follow it with ease and excitement. Who doesn’t love Shakespeare set in the 1950s?

The rest of the weekend was not quite so easy. A family gathering meant children. Children who aren’t mine but who love their Auntie Stacy in law. Playing with them was hard but, if I hadn’t, explaining why not would have been harder. I hope everyone understood why I wasn’t my usual cheery self but if not… well to be honest… frankly my dears, I don’t give a damn. I am going through too much to be worrying what others think, especially others who see me twice a year and don’t really bother about me for the rest of it. Tut.

The working section of my week was, sadly, back at work feeling dull and trying to be enthusiastic. The highlight was getting home to find that my portable 250 GB hard drive had arrived. It’s tiny! It’s shiny! I love it! All my ‘stuff’ is now safely on it. Phew. As much as I trust City and Guilds with our students, I am not going to put all my faith into their free memory stick.

Next week… I am going to be decorating the kitchen. Ooh, Berry Brulee here I come. (that’s the colour by the way, I haven’t suddenly gone dessert mad).

Photo - Daisies through the flowers.

This isn't a great picture, inspiring, enticing in any way... but something about the daisies peeping through the iron decoration of my Mother's garden bench caught my attention.

I, even if no one else does, think its a lovely view. x

Photo - My Mr.

This is one of my favourite photos of my husband, you know, Kieran, I might have mentioned him? :)

This was take during all the snow at the beginning of 2009, I do love a good beard.

He usually hates having his picture taken so I dont have that many but even if I had hundreds this would still be one of most precious. xx

Musings - Here I come, ready or not...

When we got married we spent an age deciding on what songs to have for the walking up and down the aisle, the signing of the register and then for our first dance. For me the most important was my initial walk down the aisle; as we had a civil ceremony we were limited to the songs / tunes we could use.

So we listened to so many suggestions, so many downloads and then we came across this...


Gaelic Morn

We chopped a little of the beginning and a little from the end but from around the 14 second mark the music started with me, my father and my bridesmaids hidden behind the curtain. Then at the 35 second mark they opened the curtain and revealed us... then I walked down the aisle to meet Kieran as he stood dressed in his Irish national tartan kilt. He looked amazing and the music could not have been more fitting.

Have a listen... :)

Lyrics - Learning how to move on...

3 Doors Down have taken my hand and pulled me to my feet as they sing...

You hide behind your walls,
Of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there's something more,
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now,
They tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given,
Like it's the only one you've got....

Poem - No Breath, No Baby

I never expected this? I’m aching, on my knees,

Cant you see it? I’m drowning, dying inside my skin,
All I hoped; shattered? I’m hapless, forsaken of dreams,
Nobody hears it? I’m screaming, so loud I make no sound,
Tiny pieces, too small? I’m broken; no glue can fix this,

Barren? Barren? I’m lost, my direction faded; unchartered,
Rage gnaws, never relenting? I’m angry, it crawls like ink through veins,
Empty? I’m filled with nothing; nothing creeps in every corner,
Alone with grief? I’m so alone with this grief, I greave,
Treachery in my smile? I’m masking it, look deeper; see my awful truth,
Help me, please? I’m asking, out loud, please; I’m never going to get over this,
Even now… even now? I can’t breathe…

Photo - World Cup Flag

I forgot to mention...

When I was little my Dad was given a Mexican Flag complete with rigging rope for a pole. We have no connection at all to Mexico so the flag spent the next 20 years in a box in the shed.

Then England were knocked out of the world cup, so Me and my Dad decided that we were picking a new team to support... and we remembered his flag.

 

For fun we pegged it to my mother's washing line, as you can see, and the neighbours loved it. Shame it wasnt for Spain... :)

Question 17:

Why am I jinxed when it comes to saving and backing up my work? Why must I always lose it? ARGH!

Diary - July 2nd to 8th 2010

Diary – 2nd to 8th July

This week has been about one thing…
1. Figuring out how to breathe through a broken heart.

My IVF treatment didn’t work and I am devastated. I spent the entire month trying, pretending, hoping, to be pragmatic.

“If it doesn’t work, we’ll just have another go.”
“The first try is always more of a fact finding mission to find out what is going wrong.”
“We can always adopt, there are so many children out there needing love.”
“This IVF business wasn’t so hard, I can go through it again.”

What a load of, dare I say it, yes I dare, f'ing crap!

No one prepares you for the complete and utter searing pain of finding out that you have failed again. Failed yourself, you husband, your family, your friends, nature! And failed the embryos that were counting on you to give them life. For the 42nd month in a row since we started trying to conceive I got my period and it has broken me. That is how I feel, broken. Like my entire happiness was resting on one thing and now that it is no longer a possibility I have ceased to function on a normal level.

The week has been a pity party from start to finish with me flipping between forcing myself to blink and remember to inhale and exhale or me shutting down completely on the inside and behaving like all is right with the world and I have never had a care in it.

It is frightening. There is still a slightly rational part of me that is preparing for a complete melt down. Its coming, it will be epic, it will destroy me completely.

Being around people I seem somehow able to rationalise what I am going through but not for me, for them. I have a mask I wear to convince them that I am not in fact dying on the inside but prevailing through it all. It’s bullshit; when I am alone I crumple. I shrivel. I cry like I will never ever recover.

And I curse myself for being so pathetic. It was my first attempt! People try so hard over and over again, yet here I am feeling like it’s the end. It DOES feels like the end though, and no matter how much I try and put myself together I only get so far before I shatter. Reading and Rohan have been my only real distraction, and I love them for it.

My best friend is still no where in sight; I feel her lack of support like an additional hole growing grotesquely within in my chest. I fear I will never forgive her for it.

Next week… I will be arranging my consultation for acupuncture and trying to rebuild before the rain comes.

Photo - Grace and her make over...

Here are some before and after shots of our Little 90, Grace.

Click for a larger look at how beautiful she is... now... :)

So shiny...

Diary - June 25th to July 1st 2010

Diary – 25th June to 1st July

This week has been about three things…
1. In with the Embryos
2. Waiting, waiting!, WAITING!!!
3. Wondering if my best friend ever cared at all?

I genuinely have no idea what I have done this week. IVF does that to you I think.

Friday we went to Seacroft for our Embryo Transfer. I was to have a full bladder and this was to be my downfall ha ha. We had to be there at 11am and I decided to drink half my 2 litre bottle on the way there. Big mistake. By the time be arrived in Leeds at an early 10.30 I literally had to run for the loo too panicked about wetting myself to think about keeping my bladder full! Urinating never felt so special. Then I panicked about the full bladder thing so set to downing half of the remaining litre. By 11am I was ready, I couldn’t sit down, I was dancing around the waiting room but not from excitement… I needed to pee again. So after a quick word with the nurse I went but then nervously finished my bottle of Buxton. Unfortunately I didn’t go down to theatre until 11.40 so for the third time that morning I thought I was going to burst!

The procedure itself, performed by the lovely Mr Tang, was like a slightly finicky smear test. On my back, legs in the air (strapped in) and in the two little fellas went; meaning my embryos and not Mr T and his assistant. When it was all over I sped to the bathroom under the assurance that I would not be able to dislodge my new nestling (hopefully) friends with my rapid flow. All done. Now the waiting begins.

The waiting has been the worst part! I have no idea where my mind has been other than in a nervous state of insanity waiting to see if my period appeared before my pregnancy test. I don’t think I am mentally equipped to deal with it not working. Alas. Will this break me?

Thursday another one of my friends informed me that they were pregnant and due in January. This means they were trying for a very short period of time before they got lucky. Now ,I love that my friends are getting pregnant and having babies, its fantastic… but the ease with which they do… the lack of effort it takes when I have spent the last three and a half years dealing with no luck… it breaks my heart. I can’t help it, I can’t help the sobbing that comes forth uncontrolled. Not because they are happy, I would never begrudge them that; I just can’t help but feel that there will never me any babies left for me. Pathetic, huh? Soul destroying? Yes.

Next week… more waiting and possibly some painting.

Diary - June 18th to 24th 2010

Diary – 18th to 24th June

This week has been about three things…
1. Sedation at Seacroft for the sucking out of my eggs,
2. An England team that once again keeps the fans guessing,
3. Loosing my best friend.

Friday I had another scan and while my eggs are coming along nicely they wanted to see me Saturday morning. They then confirmed I had 17 eggs and a retrieval date of Tuesday 22nd of June!!!! ARGH!!!! All systems go now.

Later Saturday I went to see a film called Letters to Juliet. From the trailers and adverts that I had seen for it, I knew that it was going to be a light hearted romance that I could enjoy without feeling emotionally overwrought at the end of it. It was good. The storyline was fantastic and while they could have done so much more with it, what they did do was pleasant and well written.

The plot centred on the idea that women far and wide would visit the house of Juliet and leave her a letter pinned to the wall of the house asking her for romantic advice. Local women would then collect the letters each day and, as Juliet, write a response to each. Sophie, our main character, comes across a fifty year old letter and writes a reply. The woman who wrote the original letter, now sixty five years old, returns to Juliet’s House to heed Sophie’s advice and find the one true love that she abandoned all those years previous. The film is the journey that is taken to locate this man, as well as the journey of several hearts as Sophie finds her own true love. The only downfall it had was that, as usual, when an American made film has a young British male character in it they automatically try and make him Prince William. I will definitely buy the DVD though… I am a sucker for Romance.

Father’s Day came and went with the usual folks and in laws coming to visit. I didn’t really pay much attention as I was too busy counting the nervous hours down to when I was to take my late night injection. 8:30pm was to be my jabbing time! I managed it fine and promptly fell asleep on the sofa. While I can honestly say the last few weeks have flown by with little drama they have still been quite draining so I allow myself the odd cat nap. :)

Tuesday dawned and we headed to the Leeds Centre for Reproductive Medicine for our 7:45am appointment. I was soon stripped, gowned and the IV feeder was poked into my arm. It is amazing how vulnerable you feel without your makeup, knickers and wedding rings. A very pretty young nurse, which amused me no end, soon came to take all the men away to provide their samples. I was then taken into the treatment room where I was laid on the bed, legs in the air, feet strapped in and then sedated. Other than some vague moving about I remember nothing other than coming around next to Kieran, starving, and feeling like I had been riding a bicycle without a seat for a couple of weeks. I was soon up and out and home by lunch time. Not the drama I was expecting; if it doesn’t work this time I know I am strong enough to repeat the job.

The unit rang me early Wednesday morning to let me know that they had managed to retrieve 14 eggs and that a whopping 13 had fertilised! It was fantastic news as I was really expecting them all to fail. That is what you get with ‘Unexplained Infertility’, the expectation to fall at every hurdle. But we didn’t! We have 13 potential embryos to work with. They also informed be that Friday morning will be the day of my Embryo Transfer… the day where the work stops being done for me and it is up to my body to be welcoming enough for my two little dividing cells to want to stay for a while. Oooh fingers crossed!!!!

Next week… everything gets put back in my body!

Zen - Midweek Musical Medley...

10 songs to distract a nervous heart...

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Midnight
2. Fall Out Boy - Dead On Arrival
3. Kelly Clarkson - Just Missed The Train
4. Stacie Orrico - I could Be The One
5. Tyler Hilton - Glad
6. Heart - Alone
7. Justin Timberlake - Senorita
8. Matchbox Twenty - Bright Lights
9. Dixie Chicks - Long Time Gone
10. Dirty Dancing - The Time Of My Life

Musings - Mixing your Shakespeare...

I saw a film yesterday with a Romeo and Juilet theme which quoted Hamlet and as it was a beautiful quote at a great moment I will share it...

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

Hamlet
Act II, Scene II

Diary - June 11th to 17th 2010

Diary – 11th to 17th June

This week has been about three things…
1. Growing my eggs and feeling exceedingly ‘full’ as I do so,
2. Having a good old freak out which is long over due,
3. Finding out that people are not the person you thought they were.

Saturday I had a bit of a freak out. After two weeks of injecting myself without a second thought I suddenly found that I couldn’t. I just could not get my hand to move the syringe towards my body. It was ridiculous; but the more I tried the more I realised that couldn’t and then the more my brain wouldn’t communicate with my hand the more panicked I felt; then of course I couldn’t breath which made me panic more! It was shocking. It was getting to the point where Kieran was going to have to do it for me but that idea freaked me out more than my suddenly paralysed hand. It took me an hour and a half to do it and it was nothing; over in seconds and didn’t even hurt. So then I was upset for being so pathetic. I blame the drugs! I’m sure I’m not usually such a sap? Perhaps self preservation kicked in, which is weird.

Anyway, Kieran decided to kidnap me for the day and as he was heading in the York direction to collect some tires we packed a picnic and let the day unfold. We ended up at Byland Abbey which I have pictured earlier in the week. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful place, and while I’m not usually spiritual, walking around the ruined Abbey cleansed me and calmed my fractured soul. I genuinely felt like someone or something was giving me a hug. :)

Midweek I had two afternoons of training, the new system we have installed is about to be dispersed to the rest of my workplace so some bright spark thought it might be a good idea to make sure that we knew how to use it first. The most entertaining part of the training was getting to see CW and seeing how well he looks. He is a fool but I fear that is part of his charm. I am now 107 in line to be his next wife. I would have made it into the top 100 but as I never visited him on his ‘death bed’ I have lucked out. I think bribes will be in order to get any higher on the list, bless him.

We also had another visit to ACE Wednesday morning. I have fifteen eggs now as apposed to the standard one! Just waiting for them to grow and mature so that we can have the retrieval next week. All fun and games but we are getting there!

Thursday I had my first real taste of another person’s impatience regarding my IVF treatment. I was made to feel as if I was a complete inconvenience, like I could no longer be relied upon for anything, like I had never and would never again be useful. It was awful. I have been open, honest and continuously hard working yet because, for one week out of five and half years, I am not able to commit my time I am causing a whole variety of anal problems. I never have time off sick, I go to work positive and approachable and I am willing to do anything to progress my team and workplace but clearly nowadays that just isn’t enough.

I wanted to stand there and scream…

Do you think this is easy for me?
Am I not inconvenienced by my malfunctioning reproductive parts?
Am I really expected to have to deal with the shit you haven’t sorted when I am dealing with enough of my own?
Back Off!!

In reality I said nothing but I knew that this was a working relationship that would never be the same. Loose my respect and you can never fully gain it back. I am too old, too infertile and too drugged up to suffer the stupidity of others.

Next week… they go in and drag out my eggs.