Saturday, 28 May 2011

Musings - What we have left...

A couple of weeks ago I attended the funeral of a work colleague. In recent months I only saw her occasionally but I had promised to track her down so that we could meet after I had given birth. She passed away before she had the chance to meet my daughter and that breaks my heart slightly.

This young woman was only 31 when she died. Hospital tests led to an enforced stay, to several operations before she was resigned to the fact that she would never return home and that the end was now frighteningly close. I do not know the details of her passing, I guess it is not something you ask. But I do know about her send off and how warmed she would have been to see a full church in attendance.

Her favourite and most beautiful songs were played and a slide show of photographs from child to adult were shown. It was lovely, haunting and awful all at the same time. Tears were shed a plenty by all and everyone was left to feel the tragic truth that we are all fragile to the call of death.

Once I was home, and alone with my thoughts, I realised that Katharine is now relying on me to die in old age. Thoughts whirled... and I came to the slightly panicked conclusion that I need to make sure that those around me know enough of who I am to paint my picture to her if needed. It's frightening but if I begin to prepare journals, letters, stories am I merely tempting fate?

For now I will continue this blog in the hope that one day, hopefully with me still here, I can share it with her.


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