Musings - Barriers...

I feel oddly closed off today. I have a wall around me, so to speak.


I don't know if it is because I feel tired or that I feel down but I have this urge to hide away somewhere quiet and ask that people just leave me be.

I feel very selfish today, how odd. :( xx


- Posted on the move...

Musings - Like any good woman...

I have pondered all day about what this post should be about. I set myself a challenge last year to write a post every day for a year, this is the first day that I have not been able to come up with anything. My mind is blank.

You see... I don't want to write another post about Motherhood, even though I love it, or randomly take part in one of the writing challenges I have found recently, even though I love that too. Or post a photograph which is often a cop out.

You see (bare with me)... today I feel discombobulated and I wanted to tell you about it. You, the random public who I know so little about yet feel I can often spill my heart to.

You see (still there?)... by discombobulated I mean I am ill at ease with myself, I feel itchy in my body, my mind refuses to sit still and every few moments I sigh. Sigh like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and an icy fist squeezing at my insides. It sounds fanciful but I am feeling fanciful.

Like any good woman I have the need to be alone. To curl up with a blanket, a soppy movie, a mug of hot chocolate and a good cry. And like any good woman I don't really know the reason why. Or rather I do but won't admit it, not to me or you my random public.

Sigh... See!

"Oi with the poodles already!" Yeah, I said it for you! :) xx

Diary - July 30th to August 5th 2010

Diary – 30th July to 5th August

This week has been about three things…
1. Pitying the fools who don’t go to see The A Team at their local cinema,
2. Stocking up at the Library in anticipation of my days off,
3. Trying to survive without the presence of my husband for the first time in 8 years!

For weeks we have been tempted by the adverts; every time we have been to the cinema we have been presented with the Orange collaboration of tomfoolery but finally on Friday night… we saw ‘The A Team’. Doo dee doo doo, doo doo doo. (You get the drift). And it was fantastic. Everything about it stayed true to the original television series but at the same time it had the ability to modernise and even laugh at itself. The amount of well placed and dry humoured slapstick meant that everyone stayed entertained throughout. The castings were well placed as was the always welcome addition of Brian Bloom, an actor I have followed since my early teens. This is definitely a film to see on the big screen but be warned, it’s loud! :)

Saturday was spent in town. Two hours in the library choosing books to read on my break and then dress shopping for my friend. While wandering around, I overheard a conversation in WHSmiths regarding CDs and how this store no longer stock them. Halifax officially has no music shops other than those selling second hand copies. It’s depressing. Actually its more depressing that we don’t have a book shop but if I was to start listing all the things we don’t have this would turn out to be the longest blog diary in history.

Tuesday morning, through to late Thursday, Kieran was away down south with his work. This meant that it was me and Rohan all to ourselves. It’s the first time in 8 years of living here that I have spent such an amount of time in the house without adult supervision. It was strange, I missed him loads, I filled my time to the hilt in an effort to make the time fly. It failed; I just ended up being super efficient. It’s odd that I can’t settle on my own anymore; damn husband getting me used to him being around. Guess I will have to keep him. Over these days I was also alone in the office at work which meant that I felt I hadn’t talked to anyone for weeks. I felt silent but I know all the words are stored up somewhere waiting to get out. We did okay though, the pooch and I. We blogged, we cooked, we watched old re-runs of She-Ra and even learnt how to make an Origami Lotus Flower out of a square of flexible (after much trial and error) paper. It was fun. Without the crazy influence of her Daddy, Rohan was much calmer and less ‘Argggggggghhhhhhh’. Thank heaven; I don’t think I could have coped with a Border Terroriser on my own, ha ha.

Also, out of vegetating and trying to make the time fly there have also been an abundance of films watched in the Redmond house this week:
- She’s Out of My League (8/10)
- Inglorious Basterds. (2/10)
- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (6/10)
- Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief (7/10)
- It’s Complicated (7/10)
- Pandorum (6/10)
- Public Enemies (4/10)
- Almost Famous (8/10)
- Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (7/10)
- Because I Said So (7/10)
- 10 Things I Hate About You (6/10)

Next week… I’m on holiday, whoop whoop… well from work anyway. I just need the relaxation time.

Poem - To Leave

To Leave

Take up your hand and hold it to my heart;
It beats for you,

Listen to my breathing, shallow, painful;
A soul trembles at your touch,

Look into the blue that’s enraptured by this moment;
My eyes crave every detail,

Move closer and take note our reaction;
I feel that you feel,

Whisper those secrets you can no longer keep;
You love me,

Kiss me and seal your confession and make this real;
For I taste your confusion,

Don’t let go… your hand drops… why is it that you cry;
Please… please don’t say goodbye;

Your words ache, you will love me all your life time;
You can’t stay?

I counter, I will love you all my life time;
But not this, never on this day.

Question: 8

Why does NO ONE in my life ever think to ask me how I feel or even notice that I want them to?