Musings - Romantic notions...

I have this vision; it comes to me when I am listening to a particularly beautiful song. It is a flash of a story, maybe an inner desire, an idea?

I am slow dancing in a darkened room with a man. A band plays on a stage behind us, wooden floors are beneath our feet, light comes from a dimmed shiny ball above us. It’s warm but not hot, there may well be a crowd of dancers around us but we are not conscious of it. This man, this mystery dancer, is holding me close with one hand at the small of my back, the other hand hovering as if to cup my face. His brown eyes set in a pale face search mine, glance to my lips, his breathing shallow. This dance, this embrace, this song, this room has us bound together in an oblivion of anticipation.



He closes his eyes and in that moment I almost feel a kiss like a shiver of breath on the back of my neck…

And at that point a new song starts to play and my vision fades but it is always the same man, same room and same feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed by one person.

If only… :) xx


- Posted with music playing...

Musings - Game show / five things / past men...

Last night I had a very bizarre dream... It involved a Game Show, Five men who have cropped up at some point during my thirty one years and five objects.

The idea of the game show was that the men had been asked to provide:
- A flower
- A book
- A trinket
- A dress
- A song
...with the idea in mind that they were trying to pick each item in an effort to show that they knew me best.

I was then presented with the five flowers, five books etc and had to pick one of each that I felt most represented me and my tastes.

Then if it happened that any man did not get any of his items picked he was automatically out of the competition. Following me so far?

I can remember clear as day picking out my items:
- Dyed mauve Gerberas
- Persuasion by Jane Austen
- A pewter bookmark with a ruby and Angel pendant
- A duck egg blue dress in a similar style to the red dress that Julia Roberts wears when she goes to the opera in Pretty Woman.
- Colours by Amos Lee

And every item I picked had been presented by one man... a man who seemingly knew me more than I knew myself...

So heavy red curtains opened to reveal four rejected men, I could not see their faces but I FELT that they were people I had known. Then I had to walk down the grand staircase to meet this magical mysterious man, dressed in a tux holding out a bouquet of mauve gerberas.

And just as his face was about to come in to focus, to reveal my soul mate... I woke up!

Absolutely typical! :) xx

Diary - February 19th to 25th 2010

Diary – Feb 19th to 25th

This week has been about three things…
1. Squeezing the little man and coping quite surprisingly
2. Study, study, professional discussion, exam, study, class and more study
3. Confusion in the ranks

I got to meet George! And he is wonderful. He was sick on me which I think is a sign that he loves me already. Plus he fell asleep on me for hours which I also see as a sign that I have a naturally calming maternal instinct. Ha ha. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. I didn’t look at their little family unit and feel bitterness; just a little sigh.

This week has also been filled with exams, classes and portfolios. I am slowly working my way to completing my qualifications. I have enjoyed the renewed learning. I might have to find something else to occupy my mind when I am done. I am open to suggestions of something new. I don’t usually like new but I don’t care this year. I need to push myself and keep my mind from sadder times.

On a strange note, the first guy I ever loved broke my heart this week; or rather it got chipped but it was no one’s fault. I will always love this guy. I can’t help it. Up until I die he will always hold a piece of my heart. This week his girlfriend gave birth to a little boy and I felt oddly devastated. Part of me knows it hurts because I love him and the other part knows I am just reacting to someone else having a baby when I can’t. I send them love and best wishes in buckets as I feel awful for my feelings. It’s not their fault, after all, that I am a confused bag of silly emotions and malfunctioning body parts. I will be happy one day even if it feels like I am waiting forever for it.

Next week… I hope to be surprised. It’s been a while.

Poem - First Love

I Think I Loved You…

I think I loved you when we met?
When grey met blue and couldn’t look away,
When fingers felt and couldn’t let go,
When a dance got close and time played games.

I think I loved you when you smiled?
You crinkled and you laughed at me,
You sparkled and you hugged me tight,
You looked at all of me and time played games.

I think I loved you when we kissed?
Our lips warm and soft at their greeting,
Our hearts fast and breathing troubled,
Our patience tested and time played games.

I think I loved you when you loved me?
As a life was shared and plans were made,
As future glimmered and shone in place,
As there was dancing, kissing, smiling and time played games.

I think I loved you when you left me?
I watched and waited for you to turn,
You held my heart but you gave it back.
Tears, both and time was still, cruel, cold.

I think I love you when I remember you?
When grey met blue and couldn’t look away,
You sparkled and you hugged me tight,
Our hearts fast and breathing troubled,
As future glimmered but time changed its game.

I think I loved you but I’m over you now.